Mr. M has been married before. At age 25 he married his long term girlfriend, who had been pestering him for years to get hitched. It wasn’t a big affair, they went down to the courthouse and said their I-do’s. About 6 months later a neighbor stopped by one afternoon to talk, he had a confession to make. He had been sleeping with Mr. M’s wife.
Mr. M offered his wife a choice – go to counseling and end the affairs or end the marriage. She chose the latter. Mr. M has come to terms with the infidelity, which was a constant in their relationship. He realizes now that marriage won’t change a cheater. But to this day he is still bitter about the financial infidelity he discovered later.
Mr. M worked full time while his wife worked part time and went to school. He put off his own education and instead had to work overtime and pick up extra shifts to cover their living expenses. When the marriage ended he simply wanted out and gave pretty much everything he owned to his ex.
Later he learned she had been secretly stashing money the entire time, she worked on commission and received her bonus check separately. He didn’t know there was another check, the bulk of her earnings had been hidden from him.
Financial Infidelity
Financial infidelity could take many forms – secretly stashing savings for personal gain, covering up debt, hiding gambling losses and trashing your partner’s credit are all forms of betrayal. For many people this betrayal is enough to end a relationship.
First you must wonder what else your partner is hiding, financial infidelity might only be the beginning. It shows your better half is at least deceitful - not a great quality. Second, all hope for financial security is lost when your partner destroys your finances. Do you want to stop living paycheck to paycheck, send the kids to college or have a retirement? These are important life goals for many people, can you imagine giving them up because of your spouse?
Which is Worse?
You can’t escape the repercussions after your partner trashes your finances, there is no recovering the money they lost or spent. If they ran up mountains of debt, chances are you will be jointly responsible for paying it off. Stay together or break apart, either way your own financial picture is ruined.
Mr. M believes that financial infidelity hurts worse than physical infidelity. After physical infidelity your heart will be broken and your life devastated, but as long as your finances are intact you can start over. Broke and with a broken heart is worse, your options are limited and you are starting with nothing. He was young enough to recover financially, but there are many stories of divorce and financial devastation later in life with all hope of retirement lost.
What is your opinion? Which is worse – financial or physical infidelity and why?
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8 comments:
Both are horrible and mean that the partners are not really partners. Mr M is lucky he married you, Mrs M!
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These two really do work inversely with each other like many thigns in life. You cant enjoy your money if you are handling well if you are physically unfit. I would much rather by healthy and poor than rich and not healthy.
People do say "At least you have your health" right?
wow... I don't know what would be worse...perhaps the worst is when they both happen at the same time?
My ex cheated on me, and wheedled quite a bit of money from me (about $3,000 which is a lot when you're a young 20-something).
I think I was hurt the most from the physical/emotional cheating rather then the money because it wasn't a sum so large I couldn't overcome it.
I agree with Mr. M. My ex didn't cheat on me with someone else, but he did some pretty low things financially - some of which I am still just finding out about. I have forgiven so, so much, but the financial stuff I can't. I don't get angry about our divorce at all - until I think of the financial quagmire he dropped me in. For that, I pretty much hate him.
Physical infidelity is worse in my opinion. Aside from the emotional consequences (which can be enormous), Mr. M is overlooking the fact that his ex could have given him an STD for which there is no cure.
Wow, that sucks! I'm going to say physical infidelity is worse. You can recover from financial infidelity, but it's more emotionally scarring with physical.
Ror you who are young, it seems like the physical infidelity is worse. But if you are older, have been through a few heartbreaks (and forgotton their names) you will not understand how devestating it is to be left holding the financial bag to the tune of hundreds of thoussands of dollars until you have it happen to you. Hearts take months to heal, but the rift left in one's spirit and one's bank account after a deep betrayal that leaves you in financial ruin in middle age takes away your entire future, and is, by far, much worse than an affair.
I am 72, my wife of 25yrs.is 65. She has no respect for our family finances. I let her know how much is left in account after I pay bills, ask her to respect that, but yet I find that she continues to pay no heed to balance and spends, spends, spends. She make promises but never keeps 'em. She did that with credit cards. I thought I had paid 'em all off....yet she had others I was not aware.
Financial ruin in middle age at least gives one a chance....but at 72? It's IMPOSSIBLE.
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