I’m not getting enough at home. I long for deep conversations on money and investing. I want someone to bounce ideas off of on budgeting and financial planning. But Mr. M couldn’t care less, as long as there is money in the bank he is happy. He trusts me to man the financial helm and steer us safely into port - it’s a lot of responsibility.
People can be financial opposites in more ways than one – you have the classic saver marrying a spender. But there are other forms too, one partner tracks every penny while the other hasn’t balanced a check book - ever. One partner is a financial worrier while the other simply trusts that everything will be OK. Managing money as a couple is tough, having different financial habits makes it even harder. So what can you, the financially savvy partner, do when your other half simply doesn’t care about money?
You Are Still a Team
Even if one partner cedes financial control to the other, that doesn’t change the fact that you are still a team. You need to develop goals as a couple, set a budget that works for both of you and agree on your financial framework. Your partner doesn’t have to be involved in the day to day management, but they can’t plead total ignorance either.
Set aside time to update your partner on your financial progress based on their interest level. Mr. M’s eyes glaze over at the merest mention of money but if I leave our budget and net worth spreadsheets open on the computer, I’ll catch him looking them over. Some people do presentations, others just leave it for their partner to digest on their own terms.
Seek Out Advice
The strongest aspect of a partnership is the ability to share ideas - two minds are better than one. When your partner doesn’t want to be that sounding board, you have to find it elsewhere. This blog is my place to bounce ideas around. By distilling my thoughts into words and getting independent feedback on our plans, I’m able to better manage our finances.
Look beyond your partner to like minded friends or even a professional financial advisor to get that second opinion. We’re often blind to the problems in our finances and a fresh view can reveal the short comings that you don’t see. If you can’t seem to save money, let someone look over your budget. They are certain to find “luxuries” that you consider necessities and hopefully help you see your budget from a new perspective.
Step up to the Plate
Someone needs to handle your finances and if your partner won’t, the job falls to you. Many couple’s finances fail because neither is willing to deal with their financial problems or manage their money. Ideally both of you will be involved in charting the course to your financial goals, but one driver is better than none. I’m proud that I can be our family’s CFO, it’s an important task that I have a natural inclination for.
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7 comments:
Great post!
My partner and I are currently in the midst of deciding whether or not to merge our finances and if we do, what it will look like.
I want to get him more involved, and I hadn't thought (how silly of me) to simply ask what he wants to acheive, to figure out some goals together and then see what we can do to reach them together.
That way it won't be 'because jessie said so' and build resentment....
I feel the same way sometimes, I want someone to share the excitement and participate in brainstorming too!
"Look beyond your partner to like minded friends or even a professional financial advisor to get that second opinion"
Best advice
It's a real struggle. Since opposites truly do seem to attract, one person will be the bookkeeper and the other will be the "what do you mean we're out of money?" person. For the record, I'm the bookkeeper!
The main thing is to be on the same page with your values. If you can get to that point, the rest boils down to communication and acceptance of each other's strengths and weaknesses ... without being judgmental. That's tough sometimes.
Giving an allowance also helps! :)
Clearly, since I'm reading PF blogs, it is me who has the interest in money. It really is an interesting dynamic -- especially when you start to think about WHY each of us is the way we are. I mean, why does he assume everything will work out? Probably because it always does for him.
My DH is pretty good about listening (or pretending to listen) when I want to show him something I've been working on (like a new budget or 5-year projections, etc.), but would never initiate the level of analysis that I do.
I also have to constantly remind him of how much work it is to be family CFO. It's more than just depositing paychecks and paying the bills in our house because (1) my income is via my own business, which comes with quarterly estimated taxes, expense tracking, etc; (2) we have rental properties that require deposits, bookkeeping, leases, etc.; (3) the tax situation is complicated due to 1 and 2 and the fact that DH has K1-level business interests as well. It's A LOT!
And he's totally content letting me do it all and to be honest, I'm a bit of a control freak, so it's probably better that way, but it really should be more of a shared experience. Even just an orientation to everything I do would be a safeguard in case of disaster.
Anyway, thanks for the relevant post and the outlet for me to complain a bit -- CFO to CFO.
Luckily my partner and I are like minded. We often discuss with each other first before we spend on any big investment.
Wow, this really resounds with me! I'm the control freak in the relationship - T doesn't keep track of anything and could spend infinitely on absolutely nothing if he could. As long as he can eat, drink and be clothed, he doesn't really think ahead to anything else, financially speaking.
It's easier for us both to have me take the reins, and I hope when he's employed again he can take reponsibility for some of his own money.
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